07-25-09

There’s nothing more I want so badly than a family. Just the word brings a huge smile on my face. Memories start racing, zooming by while my head tries to makes sense and pick one, just one to reminisce about. There’s something so satisfying and gratifying about a family. I wouldn’t necessarily say I have a family, more like I belong to a family. The feeling of belonging is something I’ve struggled to achieve and a year ago, the family reunion in India, fulfilled that little desire of mine. Never had I been so happy and so excited to be…well, me. I was accepted and adored and loved and respected and I belonged without having to try. It was the easiest thing ever. I was automatically surrounded by my grandparents, aunts and uncles, fun cousins – best friends pretty much. And so I guess, I now want to have my own family, so I can let someone else, I have my children in mind of course, have the same experience of that unboundless joy and satisfaction of who he or she is.
I keep thinking how amazing life will be once I can hold my child/children in my arms and just watch them, smiling insanely, just because I can. I feel that that’s the kind of love I’m capable of and that’s the kind of love I’d never run out of. In fact, with little kids today, I could spend all day with them just watching them see the world for the first time. See how they take it in with all that innocence and wander that captures their mind in an instant.
Sometimes though, it may seem that the wonders they experience at such a young age may be lost with time. And sometimes I feel myself wishing to go back to the simplicity that I once experienced, touching the world around me so I could determine for myself what I thought; not, however, accepting the thoughts of what others have determined for themselves. The beauty in being young allows you to take in the world for what it is not what it is supposed to be. And, sadly as we grow and mature, our perception and particularly this process of perceiving gets mixed in with our ideals propelling us to come up with our perfect perceptions but impeding us from realising that what we are exposed to at face value is already perfect.