Learning

~ And we still believed in forever, because there was nothing else to hold on to.

Fail.
Completely didn't keep up with the new blog every night resolution.
The jogging one however went strong for three weeks? Then it snowed and it got cold and then I lost myself.

It was easy to feel powerful when I had everything under control.

Right now, chaos consumes me. Chaos with structure.

I would expect myself to perform better under pressure but for some reason I can't remain focused anymore. I've sort of lost myself in that respect. I feel like I've dedicated the right amount of time to understanding and grasping knowledge, but in an instant, it's all left murky in the air, blinding me.

I have this vague sense of understanding that only makes me wrinkle my brow the more I try to make sense of it. Learning has become difficult. There are moments I stop myself to reevaluate the situation, only to feel pushed further back, confined by my feelings, by my thoughts and by my self doubt.

I'm learning, though, to control these thoughts. At least I think I'm learning.

Sigh.

If it weren't for my love for knowledge, I probably wouldn't care much for learning.

~mISsMusE~